laugh -why sometimes a burden

 I  wear a hollow smile,
whenever i go out,
an armor to defend the world, 
a willing less effort to cope with others
 artificial, mechanical,
not related  with heart
  lips are trying to smile,
  but eyes are unable to accompany them,
A deep wave of pain
  emerged on the canvas of my heart,
where its not possible to
engrave  flowers of happiness,
pain behind every laughter,
Laugh;
  not just a laugh but,
becomes a cover,
 at the door
of the hideous house of pain;
A flimsy curtain,
Only someone as experienced eyes
  can see across it
And can understand,
  the hollowness of the building,
  and can find the endless pain ,
 hidden at the  bottom of laughter

memories

As the time passes,
memories are becoming blurred,
Distances are going to increase,
Maybe in the rush of memories,
You forget my face,
The one to go in a blurry picture,
may be  you not even remember my voice;
But how much time will pass,
How much come the distance,
i shall not forget you;
Every moment spent with you
I remember as a thing of yesterday;
Every single thing you say,
I still remember
And will further
Remember even if you not.

Was not your fault, not mine;
The only drawback to my mind,
Having come so near to you
Been away from you,
even when you were there 
 felt myself alone;
Maybe i could not understand
Your language,
Or you did not understand,
 the language of my heart,
There was something missing between us;
May be your heart,
  wandering out who was ,
And got away from me,
I wish you from the outside world
had given a  shift
to my inner world,
As you wait to find me,
And then we see eachother's heart;
What  fruitful meeting it would be,
Much higher than the union of bodies and mind.

I've come a long way;
but still
I find myself standing,
 in the same place,
Where the walk started
Time changes,
Things change,
Why  I could not change myself?
why I could not co-adjust with,
People, situations,
Even if i want ,
Maybe I do not want to change,
my self,
I love this
attitude of mine,
atleast which remains
unchanged,
In every situation

What is a conflict,
Between me and destiny,
Every time I'm dreaming,
And every time
it makes my dreams shattered,
 like saying me that,
with what right do you dream?
When nothing is in your hands,
But as such I am used to dream;
Just as  ,
in the rainy season,
me as a child ,
use to float  paper boats,
  in the flowing water of my courtyard,
And sometimes  the boat was sinking,
 sometimes succeded,
But without thought of consequences
Today also in the rainy season,
i am  floating  paper boats;
And have been dreaming.

In the dry season of summer ,
your  memory ,
comes as a  cool wave of wind ,
Which heals the mind,
  with the coolness of your love;
gives such assurance,
Touching my forehead,
 say softly,
There's still time to wait,
Sunlight is said to be hard;
Not far away on that day,
Showers of rain will come,
with the message of my arrival
to your country.

 My relationship  ,
with the external world,
 is breaking now ;
 i have  made within myself ,
a world of my  own,
In which i live;
Just me,                                      
where another entry is prohibited,
And I'm learning to live;
In the same world,
Knowing that it's very difficult
to live disconnected,
 from the world ,
Because it is so;
As with the crowd,
 not a constraint, 
Making my own way,
but who knows
 by this way only know,
I will reach my destination.

Not malaise in the heart, 
not a wrinkle on the forehead;
then why  these two tears like strangers,
are swept out of sight,
Probably the pain buried in my  heart
has again opened eyes
that i often Forget 
  in the noise of the world
But there  in me
its always engaged in crying

Never forgets the pain,
Melt in the fire ,
of the sorrow of life
 it flows
 through the way of my eyes,
And will be running all life ,

within me.